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...
Changing the world, of course! :)
Feelings
about staying at home.
Call me romantic and goofy, but this is how I feel
about being a SAHM...
I had an awesome mom who was present for
me every day for the first 7 years of my life (after that
she was a single mom, so had to work while I was in school).
I can never know for sure how greatly that impacted my
personality and my life but I know that it was the single
biggest advantage I got, starting out. We lived in Hawaii
when I was born (and for those first years) and everyone
always tells me how envious they are about my living in
paradise as a babe, but honestly, the exotic and gorgeous
island was nothing compared to the sunshine coming from my
mom's heart that she bathed me in all day, every day, from
birth. I was such a lucky little girl--mom took me to the
beach or the zoo or just for walks around Waikiki every
morning and we just played all day. She has never stopped (I
turned 24 last month) showering me with 'I love yous' and
showing me with her actions also that she is behind me 100%.
I can't express in words the feeling of security I grew up
with that shaped the confident, happy, sunny-personalitied
young woman and mother I am today. I have never felt that
she didn't do something really worthwhile with her life by
making me the center of it--the only thing I would question
my mother on is why she didn't have a whole bunch of kids!!!
She's such a great mom. But just devoting herself to me for
all those years feels so significant and important when I
look into my 2 month old's eyes and know that I now get to
be a vessel to transfer all that love and support that I
received on to him, and all my future children (if I'm lucky
enough to get more).
The love and time and attention
(which too few kids get these days) is a blessing I
inherited from my mother and now something I am passing down
to the next generation. That is so much more special and
full of so much richer rewards than any work I could do for
monetary compensation outside the home.
I
don't regret the money I'm not making for a second. The way
I see it is, when I'm an old woman, and looking back on my
life, memories of years spent being a private wealth
management (meaning, making rich people richer) will not put
a smile on my face, but having a close knit, large family
with lots of grandkids and great-grandkids (I HOPE!) to
cuddle will be such sweet joy. Also, no matter how much $$$
in assets I would be able to leave to the next generation
(if I even had time to have any kids with that job), it
would be nothing compared to the legacy of love that I am
devoting my life to passing along from my mother to my
children, through my loving embrace, gentle and teaching
words, and constant presence and support.
Life is short, and even with a degree in
mathematics and an impressive resume (for a 24 year old
anyway!), I see being a SAHM as the most influential and
significant position I see available to me on this earth. My
credentials on paper are worth barely more than the paper
itself, when compared with what I learned during my
childhood about a mother's love, and now have been blessed
with a child of my own to put that knowledge to good use. I
can never repay my mother, but I'm not meant to--it's a gift
to be passed along, and that's what I intend to focus my
life on. I know that it will be more than worth it when I
see my confident, happy kids become loving, attentive
parents to my happy & content grandchildren someday.
a friend made this comment to me:
We have a small house, we watch our budget, we don't
> go off on weekend vacations and that
is just fine by
> me
I love that sentence because it's so
true!!! It is possible (not necessarily easy) to stay
at home with your children and survive on one income, even
if it means doing without a glamorous standard of living.
Sometimes this even means changing your address and moving
to a part of the state (or even country!) where you can
afford to live within the means of your husband's income.
But women today aren't so willing to do that--probably
partly because the society is much less supportive of women
staying home these days, and partly because it's tough to
give up a double income standard of living once you've
gotten used to it. But for me, it's not as tough as it would
be to drop my baby off at daycare.
I truly believe those women who look down
on SAHMS are just wrestling with their own guilt about not
staying at home (despite whatever college education, blah
blah blah they had) with their babies, by trying to make you
feel awkward about doing it. The sad thing is that they
aren't even aware that they're just trying to convince
themselves that what they did was alright. I know all of us
have our own specific situations that might make
staying-at-home challenging at times, in ways I didn't even
mention, but overall I believe it's the most beautiful
choice you can make.
I love this:
From 'The Bean Trees' by Barbara
Kingsolver:
from page 2:
"When I was just the littlest kid I
would go pond fishing of a Sunday and bring home the boniest
mess of bluegills and maybe a bass the size of your thumb,
and the way Mama would carry on you would think I'd caught
the famous big lunker in Shep's Lake that old men were
always chewing their tobacco and thinking about.
"That's my big girl bringing home the bacon," she
would say, and cook those things and serve them up like
Thanksgiving for the two of us."
from page 10:
"There were two things about Mama. One is she always expected the best out of me.
And the other is that then no matter what I did,
whatever I came home with, she acted like it was the moon I
had just hung up in the sky and plugged in all the stars.
Like I was that good."
Those passages
made me feel good--what a lovely depiction of a warm
and loving mom. I
had a mom just like that--always totally behind me and no
matter which way things would turn out she helped me feel
good about it and about myself.
I think I became a pretty cool lady all because of
her. Few books
actually say that kind of thing about mothering straight
out.
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